The Hunger of Mortality

The greatest struggle I have in life is within myself.

I am trapped inside of me. My spirit is alive but resides in the existence of a mortal physique, in so much longing to escape the agony from sensual hungers of my flesh. Sometimes I lay, alone in my room, battling the thoughts and feelings overwhelming me. I cannot go on unless I give in. So I do. I give in, as if it is the only way to move on with life. To capture a glimpse of satisfaction--that would set me free. But only for a moment do I find myself relieved of stress and pain. It shatters. the feeling goes away, the pain returns and the enemy is laughing all along at the sight of it! My spirit cries out in remorse. I do not want this! I cannot master it! Please Help. Save me. I can't avoid this. Not on my own, anyways. It is conspicuous that evil overcomes me every time I crumble, and the truth is, I always go on living. I go on living with the additional ensnarement of guilt and shame. Then I repent. I'm forgiven. I go on a few days, a few weeks, a month without allowing myself to commit this selfish deed... and then the temptation returns to me, even stronger than before. While the Spirit is growing stronger within me, so does the intimidating provocation of my flesh to my enduring soul. I go under once again. I am sick. Why? Why do I face this? It's building a wall of self pity and anguish. My heart is beating and spiritually bleeding. One day my flesh will lay to rest and I will no longer have this fight. For some time I could not understand the fight I was facing. Why I wanted so much to do what my body so much "required of me." It's all a bunch of deceptive lies. Filthy lies that make me stumble into facing the greater depths in the pit of my carnal mortality. Still I could not find an answer or explanation of my weakness.

I read this passage today, and it made complete sense to why I have been struggling so very much from the pattern of sin I have been in. The spirit spoke to me through the words, teaching me what I had so desperately needed to hear. I'd read it before but I never applied it in my own life. Now I think that these words will resound in my mind the next time temptation comes around, and when it haunts me agin, I will overcome evil with good.

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