Yup, that's my house...I mean heart. It's super cute! Or, used to be anyways. Then my life was shaken by the rocky foundation I was built upon.
It's a day of renovation. Ugh.. I hate it when somebody extracts the truth right out of my heart like I wrote it on a name tag or something. It's good though. If I lived comfortably, I wouldn't grow. Truth: when I become stubborn to my taurus nature, its usually a sign that some major spiritual restoration is going on, from the inside out!
But then I see the young faces of a child or two running happily throughout a park as the twilight glistens to make glitter in the air of the dust we take for granted.
You speak so straightforward and with such amazing logic. It's a standpoint on which I can rest my tired feet like a cobblestone in the most whimsical garden... and then I look back to see the watercolor landscape of my abstract mind.
Compatible? I have no idea how. I learn things by design and I write what I understand by expression with the Spirit as my audience. I can't explain to you how things work, only to grace a logical brain with the essence of pure magic. Call it ecstasy if you want, what I create is like a drug to me, and in that space I find the means of my intellectual dependance.
Read what I have written in the secret place of my prayer lobby, and you may never believe that what I have conjured up is from mere thinking in time and space as a resonance for the wavelength I live in...
Goodness, I don't know. There are a lot of things I am not able to explain. All I can discern is that I for one cannot live by absence of creative outlet. There would not be a way for me to un-contain my empathy, joy, love, hurt. It would all form a vortex of lavish destruction for my soul.
I am spoken to by visual parable and metaphoric landscapes or objects that I come to find amazing, and most significant in life.
Some say that I live life with my head in the clouds. I should pay attention to life around me.
Yes. This is true. I am a wanderer. Note taken.
What I don't understand is why people don't take to noticing the creation of God around them more often. It's all so amazing. Trees, leaves, bugs.
People my age think I'm crazy. Older folks say that I have joy and that I should never lose it.
Of course. I am crazy, I will admit it. This is only in a minute sense let me say. I can have a good time, laugh my butt off and then take part in a conversation at full listening capacity a minute later.
Unfortunately I am somewhat ADD. Also, I may be somewhat bipolar. That's an onset of my genetics.
My dad is a genius but can't express what he means to say, and my mother is highly creative and especially gifted in communication.
It's a dangerous mind that I have. I can create, destroy, and imagine at infinite depths for hours on end. Here's the danger of it... and this could apply to you as well. Enough pondering on one thought is enough to create an obsession by means of acting upon thoughts- to become actions, and then habits, and then mindsets and ultimately life style.
I know that I have been given a choice to not act upon the horribly dark nature within me, and thank heavens for that. I have been set free eternally. Somebody said that It's time to let go and let God, as much as I wanted to hang on to the idea that I could possibly turn my own life around... I failed miserably.
Example: "Dear God, I know I totally screwed up today. But you know, as I promised, that I would be working on my problem. It's getting worse by the minute, but I'm fighting it everyday. Please help me overcome this thing that I constantly can't get over. (Oh crap I'm thinking those thoughts again while I'm praying.) God this is way to much. Just make me not think those things or take my vision away, would you. I can't keep defiling these amazingly beautiful people that you have created. "
... My prayer life really sucked at that point in my life. Constantly asking God for help with my problem, but never really putting the problem in the light, so to speak... It was always a 'beat around the bush' conversation. Like, 'You see I have this problem, and I need help with it, but I'm not gonna tell you what it is." Even though he knows quiet well what is going on with me.
Over time, and then at a drastic point of learning I realized I'd never really let go and let God. I was a massive hoarder of stuff I didn't need, while all along the Holy Spirit was trying to overhaul and rearrange furniture in the heart He'd made his home. This is my heart I'm speaking of.
It's been dark, drab, and kind of icky. At least it was at the beginning. It's had a lot of restoration, and the process is never easy. As a matter of fact, I make the process quite difficult. I keep bringing crap into the heart to hoard.
Recently, I've noticed that I've hoarded some crazy stuff in my material life. So--I've been donating to the goodwill by the trunk load. Every day I have stuff to get rid of.
Lesson learned, there is always something to learn, always more stuff to throw out, and always new things you will discover, and other things you will uncover by getting rid of the piles of junk in your heart.
Start the renovation process. Ask for help, the movers will come in, but be warned, there will be a whole lot of stuff you will have to let go of. There's more to this story, but I will share in greater lengths for the future.
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