How does ∞ apply to your life? How do you find it???

Note: Question me how I know what I write and I will say, " How I have the ability to know this I'll never understand." Ask me how I was able to even grasp such a powerful mindset. I'll tell you "Ask, believe, and you will receive."

I never really used to believe that I was really smart. I struggled and school and I hated math and grammar with a passion. What do they have in common? Formality, symmetry, structure. Bleh!

For years and years I tried to live my life by coloring in the lines, so to speak. My best

attributes were in art class and ceramics, but because my freedom to express in abstract

perspective was suppressed, I had not a choice but to color in the lines and make everything as perfect as possible. My share of friends and circle of dependency made an impact on my expression for sure, but I know for a fact that I had been, for a very long time, streamlined and mainstreamed for a sedentary educational experience.

Once a free child long ago, my life dramatically altered in schooling years. As soon as I could recite the abc's I was set firmly on a conveyer belt of "knowledge" and "education," suitable for making me into one of many:

Let's just say I was one of few individuals that not only passed this expectation, but learned also the integration of life skills and personal mind-set attributes for life. The latter is tossed out of today's "critical thinkers' agenda." The main point washed out long ago began a domino effect of blindness. There are few whos' are opened to see brainwashed undertones of the entire schooling system. I would be one of them.

This goes back to MLK's speech on the purpose of education. Our class had an essay assignment to analyze the topic, and wouldn't you know I only got a B on it. Typical. I know for a fact that MLK was genius! In fact, he had the mindset to live above and beyond what education would allow, and people did not like that idea at all! It can be observed that a population of discrimination was in regards to race, but a greater matter-of-fact may be that he was denounced because of his ability to know more than he should.

People who know too much are heard of in society for a short while, and they are even taught within the school system. The difference is the expressed truth in their life. Facts are erased and stories are taught in ways the mainstream would like figures of success to be portrayed.

I never knew up until the 19th or 20th year of my life that Albert Einsten was regarded as being stupid in his schooling years. They talk about his success and scientific discoveries, but they never mentioned in school books that he was, in fact, an outcast.

I'm happy that I found this out within my young adult years. Who knows where I would be if I had drained my conscious by doing the one thing I don't want to do..."GO TO COLLEGE." If my life depended on it I would not go to college for the purpose of living a good life...to live the american dream... (or scheme. ) Sure, I'll learn what I need for trade, but all together college would not fulfill the gaping hole in my life to have success, or happiness, or joy. My success is not the world's success...or even my own for that matter.

My deep light understanding of understanding is that one's success alone cannot be established by one's little lonesome self. If you want something, you're gonna have to give at some point in your life.

I was prompted the question during a fascinating conversation on set of this amazing 1940's film last week. Note: Conversations on set are of rather dimensional degree. In the business of relating, the diversity of chit-chat among many creative beings withdraws a heavy sensation of vibrations in the atmosphere.

"Why do you want to be married?" the young missionary chap asked. "What are you looking to find in a marriage?"

Oh crap. I had no idea what to say, judged by the schmeared muscle formality of my forehead, the tingling flow of life in my veins, and my inability to breathe or speak...all in the same moment in spacious time. I had no idea what to say. I guessed I always knew, but I certainly didn't. Obviously, I had some hard core discovery, meditation, prayer, and unconstricted

thinking to do.

Thoughts: At least I was in peace with life when he asked. It was evident by the glorious expanse of red velvet and the old-time movie screen. Nothing to know but that I was where I was meant to be at that particular point in time. The intersection of purpose and dreams. I had felt no greater confirmation in life than to be challenged in faith during that resonating peace.

I'll have to admit... times of growth cause the silt and sludge of your inmost being to awaken. Comfort is as if you left a pile of dirty laundry in the closed and it reeked for a week and then the smell just became familiar. Growth is when somebody new might just be a part of your life and you'd be terrified if they ever saw what was in that closet. The right and natural thing to do would be to start cleaning and restoring every bit of your existence to leave nothing in access but a willing heart and a clean start... for something entirely brand new. (To never go back...ever again) 180°.

All the cleaning in my material life and thought life to realize there was some cleaning going on in my spiritual life, that very day.

The only difference is that I am not doing the cleaning. Interesting. I'll tell you how.

I responded to the young missionary that I had never thought about that particular answer before and we talked all the more about life and happen-stances of circumstances that are completely out of our control. Family, friends, relationships, work... we can have some odd idea of how something is going to turn out based on our goal making decisions, but there is no absolute knowing of resolution.

Before I could even go on with my life, the young missionary had figured me out! Take this to heart and soul... If you listen to someones heart, you might actually be able to see it. I suppose that is what happened and while it was very different at first, I began to see things all different.

I learned, as I still am learning, that I constantly look for some sort of embrace. Whether my search is on the front lines of my thoughts or not, I am subconsciously seeking for someone, something, to fill this void of embrace...safety...security.

For once in my young life I had realized that instead of a pursuit for a soul single person, I needed to be in heavy pursuit of an all knowing, matchmaking, loving God who would give me more than I could ever receive from anybody on earth.

Sorry, self, I have to rely on the greater counselor within to be connected above so then perhaps I will have some connection during my life on earth... grounded like hot wires to never be severed because... you can't have a positive charge without a negative.

I'm not talking good and bad, I'm talking linear infinity. Think of a timeline. The number 0 is neutral... then the number system goes in all directions infinitely. I was going to say both directions, but there are so much more. I believe time in essence of "here and now is drawn out in a shape similar to a cylinder cone...

It makes sense to me I assure you, but if you were to take this object and look at it from a birds eye view It may seem flat or non-dimensional... what is extraordinary is that here in now resides within that point... with infinity surrounding us wherever we go... Look at life from a different perspective and you will see that your life has infinite dimension.

The ∞ of your life meets up with the ∞ of God and that's where the magic happens.

You're probably thinking "this girl is crazy. Thought she was talking about God and now we are on the topic of cylinder cones and infinity... this makes total sense." And it does because God is infinite!!!

We can never understand God completely but there is an access to his understanding and wisdom and knowledge for life and who He is if you ask for it..

Whether you know Him or not... He wants to know who you are. all you need to know is that you have infinity laced in your DNA and if you have any desire to figure it out you best start by discovering, learning, and spending time with the infinite designer of infinity.

I know I have. Will you???

P.S. Thanks young missionary chap -- my brain, my heart, and my soul are racing for the lineage of infinity.

Also... beautiful art by ~vladstudio...

http://vladstudio.deviantart.com/art/Infinity-Blue-83392103

Artist Block... "and we're rolling!!!!"

There's something mildly off-key about my thought process.

It's seeking, searching, freaking out!!! I need some way of expressing this compression of hunger to create something brilliant.

The problem, I have no idea what that certain expression is supposed to be, or what it should consist of or what opportunity will lead to that perfect element of my brand new source of artistry.

Madness. Madness I say! My brain is going a million miles an hour... so fast, but somehow I am able to sit still, leveling out this high of vibration to sit and blog about it.

It can be frustrating. Writer's block. Artists' block. Mind Block. Grrrr. At least I have something going for me.

I'm seeking, searching, yearning. I don't really have that amazing lead role in the most famous show or film, but I do have the same passion that I would if I did have that amazing opportunity. Freedom to express. Freedom to fulfill my dreams by means of working in the business that impacts the entire world.

Speaking of influence....my friend is an actress in the upcoming Indie Film entitled "God's Country." A faith based film with a strong crew and beautiful cast.

The intensity of spiritual warfare is escalating ever so quickly.

I was working on this untitled film on Hollywood Blvd last week... and while we were there an actual shooting went down at the intersection of Hollywood and Vine.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/hollywood-shooting-john-atterberry-tyler-brehm-272996

Whoa. Talk about the defense of the enemy. Crazy. What this means is a calling for offense! There's no fear allowed in this game plan. I'm talking about the necessity of prayer, and waiting on what God will have us do. I will tell you this...

GOD WANTS US TO KEEP WALKING DURING TRIALS. IT'S THE ENEMY THAT WANTS TO SLOW US DOWN.

Even Jesus said "Hey, let the dead bury the dead. Get up and follow me."

It's obvious, the enemy is trying to throw as many booby-traps in the way of this film as he possibly can. He's doing just as David said he would... "That darn debil is gonna kill and destroy."

But as I was told in Brazil by an old woman...83 years old.... "The enemy is going to try and kill you, but do not be afraid. The blood of Jesus covers your life."

Obviously... I'm not dead. I guess I'm on a good path! What this path entails is a hungry appetite of love satisfied by the grace and nutritious blessing of God's word.

READ IT!!! First, I have to be interested in what God wants to do...even if it means dragging my lazy butt out of bed to read something.

It's intense... and I will say it might sound religious.... that is if the only thing you do is read.

There's a difference between reading and conversing.

I used to think praying was like leaving a voicemail for God and he would eventually respond. Now I know that it's like sending a text message, and there is instant response. In fact, God is always waiting for a text. ALWAYS.

Take into consideration...

The crush concept.

There is much to discover about physical attraction and its ability to take our subconscious dependency to an extreme high.

You know what I'm talking about.

That almost near perfect person just walked into your life! The conversation was intriguing and life altering... You have a billion thoughts racing in your mine about what you are sure to say, but your vocal chords have struck out and called it quits. As a matter of fact, your entire brain has temporarily shut down. There's nothing you can say or do to express how you feel!

Until..... You jump into your car and let out the squealy-ish scream of your dear life!

Everything starts functioning again! You are completely- not normal. But that is okay. No one really is what we call NORMAL. Life is in to much opposition to that term.

To resume... The crush sets in. Nothing you can possibly do will let this hunk or hottie leave your crazy brain!!!

This is the point in my young history that I have first discovered a way of retaliating this obsessive mental behavior.

PRAYER.

Please. Revoke. All. Yippee. Excitement. Reverences. haha

"Hey, God! I'm thinking about ______ again. And again, and again, and again! I just really can't use any distractions in my life. All I want is to figure out what's wrong, or going on with me that I just want to run away from my feelings. Feelings are dumb... but wait. I've said for a long time I've been thinking about what 'he' might be like and this is a really good chance, that, well... I don't want to say much more because I just want to figure out what you want out of me first."

This is an ongoing adventure to discover the physical laws of a crush. It's crazy, but I'm learning.

Love is breaking my heart...

I'm extremely enamored by the strength of God who resides in your life. Why else would I have such a strong inclination to grow in the Spirit at such a strong rate-and in such a short period of time? It's insane. I go to my hideaway and dive straight into the light of God's word. I'm sick of the dark shadows I've been hiding in. Every moment of every day seeking to know God at a deeper, more intimate level. I love the God in your heart, and that might just make your soul the other side of mine. So I'm looking to the other side of the waterfall. Still can't make out a clear depiction of the face, but the vision is breathtaking.

So for now I'm going to dream and submit them like a recently rendered demo reel. Time to seek greater strength that God has been telling me I deserve.

Part of me thinks... I need to be prettier, smarter, wittier.

No, that's not it at all. In fact, those longings are lies.

For truth, I just want to Know God. I just want to have him as my:

Provider

Protector

Security

Identity

Tranquility

Refuge.

And I want to know so badly, "Lord, what did David mean to say by telling God that He was a 'fortress' and 'stronghold'?"

I just want to figure out, because recently I just want to run to somebody's warm embrace.

If I really wanted that I could get it easily...but I know that's not what God wills.

He wills that I would seek his Presence for all.

It's hard to say that "GOD IS ALL I NEED." It is, I'm not going to lie.

I think, well what about my desires? As my mom always said, God knows the desires of your heart...

I know that. I'm learning to understand it.

My heart wants love to be real in the most un-sensible way, ever.

So Lord, take it away.

A lot to be learned

Yup, that's my house...I mean heart. It's super cute! Or, used to be anyways. Then my life was shaken by the rocky foundation I was built upon.

It's a day of renovation. Ugh.. I hate it when somebody extracts the truth right out of my heart like I wrote it on a name tag or something. It's good though. If I lived comfortably, I wouldn't grow. Truth: when I become stubborn to my taurus nature, its usually a sign that some major spiritual restoration is going on, from the inside out!

Somewhere in my memory. There you are. There I am. There we are. Dancing, laughing.

But then I see the young faces of a child or two running happily throughout a park as the twilight glistens to make glitter in the air of the dust we take for granted.

You speak so straightforward and with such amazing logic. It's a standpoint on which I can rest my tired feet like a cobblestone in the most whimsical garden... and then I look back to see the watercolor landscape of my abstract mind.

Compatible? I have no idea how. I learn things by design and I write what I understand by expression with the Spirit as my audience. I can't explain to you how things work, only to grace a logical brain with the essence of pure magic. Call it ecstasy if you want, what I create is like a drug to me, and in that space I find the means of my intellectual dependance.

Read what I have written in the secret place of my prayer lobby, and you may never believe that what I have conjured up is from mere thinking in time and space as a resonance for the wavelength I live in...

Goodness, I don't know. There are a lot of things I am not able to explain. All I can discern is that I for one cannot live by absence of creative outlet. There would not be a way for me to un-contain my empathy, joy, love, hurt. It would all form a vortex of lavish destruction for my soul.

I am spoken to by visual parable and metaphoric landscapes or objects that I come to find amazing, and most significant in life.

Some say that I live life with my head in the clouds. I should pay attention to life around me.

Yes. This is true. I am a wanderer. Note taken.

What I don't understand is why people don't take to noticing the creation of God around them more often. It's all so amazing. Trees, leaves, bugs.

People my age think I'm crazy. Older folks say that I have joy and that I should never lose it.

Of course. I am crazy, I will admit it. This is only in a minute sense let me say. I can have a good time, laugh my butt off and then take part in a conversation at full listening capacity a minute later.

Unfortunately I am somewhat ADD. Also, I may be somewhat bipolar. That's an onset of my genetics.

My dad is a genius but can't express what he means to say, and my mother is highly creative and especially gifted in communication.

It's a dangerous mind that I have. I can create, destroy, and imagine at infinite depths for hours on end. Here's the danger of it... and this could apply to you as well. Enough pondering on one thought is enough to create an obsession by means of acting upon thoughts- to become actions, and then habits, and then mindsets and ultimately life style.

I know that I have been given a choice to not act upon the horribly dark nature within me, and thank heavens for that. I have been set free eternally. Somebody said that It's time to let go and let God, as much as I wanted to hang on to the idea that I could possibly turn my own life around... I failed miserably.

Example: "Dear God, I know I totally screwed up today. But you know, as I promised, that I would be working on my problem. It's getting worse by the minute, but I'm fighting it everyday. Please help me overcome this thing that I constantly can't get over. (Oh crap I'm thinking those thoughts again while I'm praying.) God this is way to much. Just make me not think those things or take my vision away, would you. I can't keep defiling these amazingly beautiful people that you have created. "

... My prayer life really sucked at that point in my life. Constantly asking God for help with my problem, but never really putting the problem in the light, so to speak... It was always a 'beat around the bush' conversation. Like, 'You see I have this problem, and I need help with it, but I'm not gonna tell you what it is." Even though he knows quiet well what is going on with me.

Over time, and then at a drastic point of learning I realized I'd never really let go and let God. I was a massive hoarder of stuff I didn't need, while all along the Holy Spirit was trying to overhaul and rearrange furniture in the heart He'd made his home. This is my heart I'm speaking of.

It's been dark, drab, and kind of icky. At least it was at the beginning. It's had a lot of restoration, and the process is never easy. As a matter of fact, I make the process quite difficult. I keep bringing crap into the heart to hoard.

Recently, I've noticed that I've hoarded some crazy stuff in my material life. So--I've been donating to the goodwill by the trunk load. Every day I have stuff to get rid of.

Lesson learned, there is always something to learn, always more stuff to throw out, and always new things you will discover, and other things you will uncover by getting rid of the piles of junk in your heart.

Start the renovation process. Ask for help, the movers will come in, but be warned, there will be a whole lot of stuff you will have to let go of. There's more to this story, but I will share in greater lengths for the future.

What's a fairytale?

Oh, Hello. I'ts me again. Just wondering how your day was.

I thought about you today, and then I didn't and I had a great time but most of all I could let you go for a moment there. It was almost as if I had never met you, but then again I've known you all along. We just haven't yet been introduced.

It will be that occasion that I will never forget. The event I never planned. The day I never sought to meet the other half of me.

It will be the night I will most un-expectantly get a glimpse of the future for the first time and not be afraid.

How I dream of the very song that will play when I will accidentally dance across your toes.

I'll look up into your dreamy brown eyes to find a glittery sparkle reflecting the night sky shining above us in the form of paper lanterns.

For now I find a fairytale, locked up in a treasury, bound by infinite royalty.

Oh It's been a while.

Since I've blogged my last bloggy blog about a glob of life.... let me begin by saying how incredibly rash a crush can make you. Not love, a crush.

Oooh the irony of a really great feeling with such a name as a crush...

'I have a crush on you.' But only a crush because I am going to CRUSH YOU... is basically what it means.

Oh yes I'm going at it with both horns strapped to my head like a lame excuse for a costume. Happy Halloween everyone...

Halloween is for a bunch of spooky holloweenies who can't arms against the monsters within themselves, you know!?!? 'I have to wear this costume to scare away the goblins of my inmost fears.' What a fantastic fabrication for a lie to be tossed on the floor and trampled on my the most esteemed heirs to a higher purpose.

Gosh darn... It's so stupid. It's so stupid and absolutely terrifying to my naive soul that someone would actually straight laced poker faced lie to me!!!! But not without a trace of course.

You wouldn't happen to know how vibrant my memory is, would you? i remember almost every conversation we had, every word you let escape from your heart... So what remains in the pit of yours is but a line and a verb of non transparent foolishness.

Everyone ought to have a billboard for themselves across the forehead.

Yours? Foolish. Mine? Awake.

I'm definitely not asleep to the fact that your bold faced lies are perhaps the epitome of your 'fearless' cranium crush.

Elizaveta

"I believe in fairy tales and serendipitous encounters..."

Elizaveta

"I believe in fairy tales and serendipitous encounters..."

Stock Market Exchange

It's a real shame that I had to pull out of my investment so soon. Especially when it was to my impression that my return would at least gain some sort of momentum, but I sit here with little to nothing. If anything, I just went backwards in the endeavors to play my cards right.

The hardest part is that, unlike other stock holds, I can't look into the past and see the history of what other investors have put in or taken out of.

I abhor the fact that I have so much faith in every stock I invest in. I have complete faith and no fear that I will have a good return, at least for the short run if that is all I have the opportunity to share.

It's the feeling of waking up, every morning to think. How will my investment yield today? Having hope, being excited.

Then there's the slow fade of seeing the rapid decline of my investments worth to the stock holder, and the fast incline of others who have lost faith and trust in their shares.

I hoped at least for a Hedge Fund. But now that I for myself have discovered a history of Hostile Takeover, I realize that I have no control over the rate of my return.

It has amounted to just an illusion of potential.

Perhaps it's time to put more investment in the stock hold of my own domain.

Passtressport for Brazil Trip: Mission Complete!

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaahhhhhhhhh. Okay I can breathe now. I got my birth certificate copy today, and I saved $100 on my passport because I didn't have to expedite! Thank you Lord for the fact that Americans don't like to travel around 9/11... or ever. It's crazy to think that only 30% of all Americans own passports. I bet it is way less now.

Seriously, what is it about numbers and crazy dates that make people so fearful? Friday the 13th? OOOh scary?! No. Taylor Swift was born on friday the 13th and she is doing terrific! Fear not lovely people!!!

God is the greatest math-magician ever. Let him decide what days are going to be significant for you.

In the meantime, I am going to find lots of addresses to send my letters out for Brazil Mission Trip!

Love, Lena

Going to Brazil!

Oh my freeezed dried pineapple, this is the craziest thing I have ever done. Maybe not the craziest thing ever, but I thought it was funny how they mentioned Brazil Mission Trip at Church and my heart said, "You're going!!!" and my brain said, "Wait, what?!?!" So that impostor, fear, gets in the way and scrambles my sanity to mush.

All I know is that I am stressed, but I am fearless in this journey of faith. I'm hanging on to the end of a rope. I'm hanging on the end of the rope that is attached to this trap door leading to a labyrinth of insanity, trying to throw road hazards in my way to thwart the mission trail. The thing is, I already have the key. and I have been given this door to find. The door, I'm not sure what it is or where it will be but I will find it.

Do follow me on this mission of mine. I will need your prayers and support.

www.brazilena.blogspot.com

-Lena Frances

Texting God

I'm just gonna be hanging out here in your pocket all day long. I'm waiting for you, constantly. And You are right here in the palm of my hand. You are usually quick to respond but most of the time you have me waiting in great anticipation of what you might say. It's a great exaggeration of something small but you are right where I want you to be... In constant unlimited communication with me. I'm here 24/7 and while that may seem odd that I would wait around all day just to know what's on your mind, well it's all a part of the plan. I just want to get to know you better. -GOD

For the love of God.

God.

Stress.

Angry Eyebrows.

Tingling Heart.

Wide Eyes.

Tense Cheek Muscles.

"Just forget it already.

It's just a foreign object of obsession. "

It's what I want to say.

I'm leaving now before I lose it.

Greedy hands hate an honest heart

Wow I am just ecstatic! You know not a mans heart by his words but by the outcome of his faith and honesty by actions. Truth lies within the heart of a humble servant, who's words are made knows by outstanding accomplishments. Trust is then earned by source of meaningful results. The hands of greedy sloths are enviously hungry for the success of such truthful men, and more so material wealth and self centered satisfaction. They will go unmeasurable lengths to get it, but in the end they fail. miserably.

I love instagram

I really do. It's the best free app on the planet!

Seriously.

I'm good at it. And I know it.

No, I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about my aspirations in life to be an artist.

Now will somebody believe in me enough to support my life in a way that I don't have to worry about what's coming next, or work my life away trying to survive?

No, no. That would be contrary to modern expectations of a woman, now wouldn't it?

I will forever be known as a gold-digger. I don't care.

I'm a little old fashioned.

At least I consider the facts.

Take a pole in the world of testosterone. I'm pretty sure a real man would prefer to be satisfied by a woman who isn't tired as hell from working 9 to 5.

Men, you know what I mean.

Take it out on me.

I have nothing to give you anymore.

Nothing. All that is in me is nothing but the left over mess of what has already been said and done.

My un-fantasized depiction of reality is debunk.

Cranium waste of temporary exploitation. A drowning wasteland of copycatting drain waves.

Aspiration of my heavy keepsake to never wash away any sort of misery and pain trapped beneath the surface of my smile.

Take me in won't you? I've been waiting here in the grime.

It's about time you take me in. You forgot about me didn't you???

The bell rings, the clock strikes 12. Midnight. The moon has risen but it's not exactly complete. And neither am I.

Listen for once you selfish fool to the heart your shallow selfish cries wail out. Take them out on me not the one who brought you into the world. Don't you ever go there again.

Be mad, be sad, use the 4 letter words trapped behind your teeth. You know you want to say it so go right ahead. Just don't take it out on anyone but me.

The 4rt of 13elieving

So they care, as i know they always do.

But for the love of all things abstract and artificially organic to the minds' eye, please leave this one alone.

I understand where they are coming from. Everything within a heart's reach is pretty much unreachable by humanly fabricated standards. I get it. It's easy to be distracted by the wayside of religion and even keeping a sober lifestyle.

That's not the way I stride by in this race of life.

By grace there are no extraterrestrial boundaries I must keep to approach the Holy Grail of the Supernatural Presence.

It's here. It's real, and it is tangible at any time, like a high that is eternal and not so short termed to withdrawal some temporary fix.

The Plant, The Crystal, The Liquid Gold. They never last.

Be high not on the substance that fades away but on the trip ordained by the Presence of The Altruistic Resonance, who by ornate design establishes the existence of an entire universe per vessel of soul inheritance.

They. They should not underestimate the power of the God who uses ALL things for GOOD. All things. All things. Can I elaborate? All Thi.... Oh you get it now. Maybe not and let me expand.

I'm intricately associated with the Beginning and End of all the Universe in a very unique way. I am a creative type, and let me say that only one can never begin to fathom the excitement and beauty of creation at its origin. Imagine the emoted energy that filtrated this earth at the beginning of all dwelling.

You just can't or can you?

So God uses his imagination to create the universe. I'm more than likely going to use mine to create a universe as well. This is a different type of universe. It is relatively inspiring and most likely shocking to the soul of an audience. I call it filmmaking.

To each film I am a vessel. I am a vessel of stories, and characters, and relationships.

To one audience, I am a socially diverse player in the field of character development. I bring morality to a character that would otherwise be regarded in society as useless, filthy, disgusting, immoral, inhumane, and worst of all- unworthy of any moral salvation.... For lack of better words, some would say that a Hooker doesn't belong in the presence of a Holy God, or at bible study.

I write in this direction because I have in one light been transcribed as some sort of whore for walking in the shoes of a prostitute. Shame on me, a beautiful, pure, innocent girl for playing the role of a hooker. Shame on me.

I did research about hookers. Sadly enough, it's girls just like me that end up in prostitution. 13elieve it or not, there's a simple saying that provides a good explanation for the majority of prostitutes: "I gotta pay the bills somehow." 1 Date= $6000 richer. And of course it is all by consent. All this to say... think twice before you pass up a young girl working the corner with a grimace on your face. Think again. Open your heart to love as I have.

I was once blind to the idea that a hooker could possibly have a soul. Now...the soul is all I see, and it's the bondage I want to be used as a vessel for the breaking of.

Throw ashes on my head and send me up for a good stoning while you are at it for playing the role of a hooker. But never forget the bitter sweet faith of a near friend of Jesus Christ. The Prostitute. Looking, seeking, needing a savior. She offered up all she did for the love of Christ. The most expensive perfumes to cleanse His feet and wipe them with her hair.

A hooker is just as worthy of Heaven as any Human Being is. Maybe even more than the most religious person you have ever met.

I am sorry that I have caused young men to stumble. I am sorry to have destroyed my self image, if you can call it that. I am a sinner. I've dealt with my fair share of shame.

I know. God knows. But still, I love Him and He loves me just the same. This day having given me the wisdom to see myself in a different perspective.

Brace yourselves.

I admit full-heartedly: yes, I am a whore. I am a whore for my own selfish desires of my flesh. Am I mastered by the sinful whore that I am? No. I have been purchased at a high price to be seen as pure, and therefore given a solid counselor to guide me and to give me strength unfound in this world.

How you ask? It's not by chance, that is for sure. Ultimately it is by a decision I have made to believe and to turn away from my old self.

There will be bloodshed for all who 13elieve as I do. After all, freedom has never been free. Gratefully, It has already been done. No more rules to follow. Only a choice to be made. Red pill or blue?

As for me, I have been ordained a royal subject of the King. I have been granted permission to perform miracles and wonders. I have been gifted with visions and dreams. So I am going to continue to spiritually walk in the shoes of others. I will meet them where they are at.

God will use ALL for good. Never underestimate it.

Well...

I got nothin' in my brain. Tired, heavy, hot and sweaty. Yuck. Haven't been here for a week at least to write.

Been pretty busy getting prepared for this job application process. What a mess. At least it's over...almost. Best few days of my life though.

I realized that stress is a great motivation for accomplishment.

I learned that pain is not a reason to have a disease.

I loved that each and every day, I could not count my blessings because there were too many.

I found motivation to complete impossible tasks set in front of me.

I sought resolutions, and found them.

I faced fears, and shattered them.

I listened to a new country album and fell in love with it.

Love to Kenley Shea.

http://www.kenleyshea.com/

So I guess I did have somethin'. It's not much but now I look back and see a multitude of rare gems I discovered, all in one week. Crazy! Imagine what I will find by the end of this year!

So.....Matthew 6:33. Now I know because it makes sense.

Lena

It Gives Me Peace

It gives me peace of mind to know that I can call somebody my brother. I don't have any earthly brothers, although I wish I did.

On a short, funny note. My mom wanted to have 9 boys for a baseball team. She had 3 girls and struck out! HAHA That's the joke I made up... and I love it!

So...for those who find themselves struggling within the spiritual dating dimension in the area of knowing how to love... know that it is okay to love somebody like a brother, first.

Easier said than done, I know.

In fact, usually saying "I love you like a brother," within society is a big fat breakup line or some turn down warning signal. Fear not, loving someone like family is not some cardinal 'no-no."

It starts to make sense, I promise.

What I learned in a short period of time, is that no matter what, the guy you eventually spend the rest of your life with should know how to treat you. They ought to treat you right. They should treat you like they would treat their sister if they have one or if they had one...depending on the sibling status.

Loving someone like a brother, or sister if you are a dude, relieves any pressure on your emotional status. When you love a sibling, you love unconditionally, and it's mutual.

I was about to say you don't have misunderstandings... but I am only just at the beginning.

Eat a Banana!!!

Oh, hi! My name is Lena, and this is my ukulele... together we are ukulena! You can call me Miss Ukulena, and that's how you can find me on youtube.

I had the best time as a performing guest on www.thestream.tv 's 5 Minutes of Fame! It was so amazing. I really didn't know what kind of show I was going to be on, or what kind of environment I was going to be in... I did some research and the show seemed fun, but I had no idea they were creating a pilot for presenting to major networks! Ahhhh! I reall

y went with my gut instinct to wear that crazy vintage dress from the 50's. I'm so glad I did.

That was the best decision ever in my life because it all made sense in the end. Chiquita Banana inc. and I are going to be best friends! And I met Obama!!!

Haha just kidding, I only met the guy whomakes really good impressions of him... good enough for me, I was happy! I didn't know who this dude was until they were interviewing him on the show and sharing all his videos! Ask the other performers, I was all bright eyed and bushy tailed when I found out he was alphacat. Best moment ever!

Wow I am still in shock that I won! I even had a live stream of viewers asking if I was single, and telling me that I was crazy awesome! The other acts were amazing too, so winning by a landslide I'm not sure how that happened! I am so excited thanks to all my viewers! I will be working on a strawberry banana song... In the meantime check out some interesting facts about bananas!

Too Much, Too Much

It basically makes total sense that I have fallen for this trap... once again. I thought I would have at least caught it... but no, I am a victim to puppy love...

Oh wait, I am a girl. So it's normal I think. Especially when I start to see you at the end of the isle in a really nice tux and everybody is crying and I have no idea what happened to my brain because everything is spinning in circles around me and the flowers smell nice but the shade of purple is a little to light for me but everyone seems happy. Actually there's nobody watching. It's just you and me and that's it. Don't think a ceremony can even happen with an absence of everyone.

Whoa, whoa wait a second. I have only known you for a week. I finally snapped out of it...I don't know how but thank goodness I did. And...wait...you aren't mr perfect!? Oh my gosh and to my dismay I have been in total denial of reality for who knows how long! In fact you are far from perfect and all I can see is that you are clearly on another playing field. Me too, though, me too. I looked in the mirror today... Oh my gosh... not even going to say it. Stress leaves marks, let me tell ya.

I can't do this. Not again. I have done this before and I have pretty much thrown my life into someone's lap in a very short period of time leaving them no sense of need to put up any sort of fight. But there's always somebody you have to let go of before you pick me up... and until that happens I don't want to be sitting here having my heart strings pulled on like I'm some sort of marionette doll. Nope, not going to do it.

I've had this happen one too many times. I want to be able to avoid the heartbreak this time around. Thank God that romance comes in packages so I can look outside the box.

Play Pretend.

I just babysat today.

I love kids. And I can't wait to someday have a child of my own. That's something near and dear to my heart. But I am definitely going to live my life first.

On a side note....
It's not very hard to wonder why I have such a young personality. It might not make sense as to why I have an old soul, but I guess it evens out in the end.

I figured you gotta think like a kid to get the most organic substance of the mind, and at the same time it is through trial and error that this idea of maturity comes into play.

Some swear I am the youngest of 3 siblings. I have the most random personality and the baby face...but throw me in a crowd of mid 20's kids and I fit in just fine.

I'm still not aloud to have a glass of wine in a public for goodness sakes but I am allowed to do all this other random stuff. That's okay though.

I love kids, so I am okay with the limit to come in my next year of living. I have so much inspiration to collect from the little ones of this earth. They have the most vibrant spirits, and abundant fearlessness.

Whenever I want to develop some kind of story, I hang out with the kids!

Try it sometime. Get absorbed into a child's world of playing pretend, and you will see yourself become like a child, and ultimately grasp the pure creation of living at its best.

Kids are Genius. Listen to Them.

I love watching Disney Movies.

They teach you so many life lessons!!! No, seriously! But it's not a bad thing, I promise you. As much as some parents out there want to guard their childrens' hearts from all the evil in the world by preventing them from watching these films, promise me... there is already too much your children already know just by living in this world.

This cute little adorable fish above has an addiction... and has sharing issues. MINE MINE MINE!!! Oh wait that is the line of these dudes...

What will we do?

Fact: Nemo could do exactly what he wanted to do.

Fact: Dad was super protective and extremely fearful of everything in the sea.

Fact: You gotta let your kid swim, and learn some lessons on their own, or else they are just gonna get pissed and run away.

If anything, pay attention to your kids when they are doing something out of the ordinary. When you find that unordinary seed in your child, nourish it, feed it, and exercise it. Every time you say no, they are just going to tag that sticky NO(te) to their self reminder board of dashed dreams and desires.

True Story:

I met a 10 year old kid on set. We talked about all sorts of things, and I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. Cutest kid ever! He shyly replied without hesitation,

"I want to be an inventor."

His sister mentioned a flying chair concept he came up with and he was quick to explain the entire thing. Genius kid.

My face probably lit up because I know my heart was really excited about all of this, asking

"Do you write all your ideas down?"

"Oh, all the time," he smiled. That sweet smile on his face soon disappeared to leave a saddened look in his eyes...something I could see into his soul about, as he continued,

"Because when you grow up you forget what it's like to have an imagination."

As I'm sure your's is right now, my heart sunk to the bottom of my soul like the anchor of a butt... I mean boat.

So next time you are doing something random, and you kid says something like,

'Mommy look at this house I built!' or 'I'm a doctor!' or 'I can count to 50 really fast!' or 'I painted the waffle tower!' you better stop dead in your tracks, turn from your random order of business and praise your child for being so amazing.

εμπνέω

the pen in the palm of my hand to inscribe the revelation of your plan.

-Lena...era 2010

I'm Sorry...

...I'm sorry I couldn't make you a better person, and I'm sorry I couldn't promote you to a new level of spiritual growth.

I failed.

But then again, I didn't. Spirit alignment isn't in my job description. That, my former friend, is entirely up to God.

I have, however, forgiven you.

Afraid to Fall.

I'm reading this book and it's supposed to give you some kind of guidance on your life. I suppose it works... But I only found that it does when you spend lots and lots of time figuring out how it applies. I'm kinda miffed that I can't just figure it all out when I read it the first time-or even the second time.

Dang it! Shouldn't I just have everything on demand?!?!

Oh wait. If I had everything on demand I would never realize that I am forever deprived of the essential tool to live. Trying to figure out what that is. Okay, we need food, and we need water, and I am pretty sure we need love.

Maybe in a different order. Need: Love-Water-Food.

Some can live without water for a day, and some without food. But imagine an entire day without love.

That would be enough to kill me forever.

I've come to find that if I want love I need to give, and to give fearlessly.

Oooh. Fearlessly. That's a dangerous word. Or is it? Sometimes I'm afraid to be fearless because pride will get in the way. Wait...AFRAID TO BE FEARLESS???

Oh my gosh. It's the truth though, isn't it. I just realized it's pride that gets in the way of living without fear. Step aside of yourself, Lena.

I just need to love. I just need to live, and I just need to stop this never ending cycle of pondering whether or not being fearless will work out.

It's like i'm sitting on a rock near a cliff wearing a flying squirrel suit and I know I'm gonna be fine it's just that I am so afraid to make the initial plunge into the freedom of falling for what I really want. Thank God for having such amazing people in my life to grab my hand, and drag me to the edge to simply say,

"What are you waiting for?"

What's in the Forest?

Well, it's kind of eerie. It's dark. You look around for a while. The air... its very-moist. The texture of the forest room is that of a rugged carpet... fluffy. No. Shaggy, like a wet dog. It's beautiful though, and you really have no idea where you are, all you know is that you feel...blissful. There is a counselor, mingling in the leaves as they dance around the forest floor. It smells of moss and wet earth. Completely untouched. Heaven. It's brand new and it's all yours, all yours to send through a vector to the physical dimension. This imagined dimension is mine to share, and yours to have, but only if you seek to find it. You believe, or so you say, but magic couldn't possibly be real... Or could it? Tell me. If you knew not a light in the world existed but to see the light would you know the difference when you saw the first light of a shadow?

I'm frustrated. Because I can't get this place out of my head and onto paper. It hurts. The portal of two completely opposite dimensions. My hands. My heart. The rhythm pulsates in my veins. Blue, ore is it red?

How to be Anxiety Free...

Well first thing is first, anxiety has everything to do with fear. And I had to have someone remind me of that just recently. It is so easy for me to run around like a chicken with it's head cut off, and well its basically ironic because it's like i've become a chicken. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being late, or I'm afraid of messing up, or I'm just afraid of everything because the future is uncertain and I have no idea how to deal. So, my friend says to me with all assurance, "Perfect love casts out all fear!" And I'm thinking, well, yeah I know that.... but did I really know it? I don't think so because I stood face to face with a fearless man and it had me thirsting for the freedom he had. Freedom of all the stupid fear in the world. So then I realized... Perfect love... perfect love comes from the Father and if I have the Father's love then I shouldn't have any fear, because fear has to do with punishment, and God's not here to punish me... He is here to love, and to forgive, and to serve justice. That leads to say that all things are possible because with no fear you can do almost anything. ANYTHING. So much as become aligned with the source of everything.

In Alignment

With the purpose... with the meaning... with the source of all being real and alive and beautiful.

To be fearless. Flying with steel wings. "Perfect love casts out all fear. There is no fear in love! You see because fear has to do with punishment. If you have perfect love there is no condemnation. I'm running around in circles but it makes sense.

All my Inspiration

It comes from a source. That source which hides behind the facade of a human disposition. A face. What lies beneath the face and somewhere mettled to be connected to my brain. It is 100% connected and disconnected. I am wired to elapse time in the unconditional world of creation and pure immagination, and then within moments the entire landscape to be robbed, not to be discovered again for years. I have re-acquainted myself with who I was and who I wished to be and what I loved as the most pure and unadulterated child that I was. So sad to say that I lost myself for 2 whole years, and it took 10 to gather myself back to my origin, and so I live my life I suppose a few years behind schedule. Alas, I managed to access a new level of sixth sense configuration. Thinking about it grants me the oportunity to explore endless boundaries of creative exploration. I hope to take you on a journey... that is if you so wish to join me. It's a journey back to the memory relapse of pain and suffering, but with a lineage to meaningful revelation in transcribing my life to paint a picture...of which will shatter lines of injustice and social confusion.

(Thank you d-b-c for your beautiful art! http://d-b-c.deviantart.com/art/IMAGINATION-116208324)